Do good girls do cybersex?

No longer do people need to prowl nightclubs or scan crowds at parties for potential sexual partners, now practially anyone can participate in all kinds of sexual activity with just a few simple clicks. 

Cybersexual activity, that is....want to know more? Come on in....

The internet has brought a kind of sexual revolution right into our homes, offering many people opportunities for participation in sexual interaction that they may not have the means to  actualise in real life. While internet porn and sexually oriented material has generally been assumed to be a male domain, women are apparently taking to cybersex in droves. However, women are often omitted from discussions of online and cybersex activity. Believe it or not, but according to a major study discussed in an article by Marnie Ferree: Women and the web: cybersex activity and implications, women are over-represented in the number of people who are rated as cybersex-compulsive, that is people who engage frequently in cybersex (communicating online while masturbating). The compulsive behaviour of these women (and of men) is so intense that they that spend so much time online (around ten hours a day) that it poses a serious threat to their jobs, relationships and other aspects of their lives.

Women may perhaps feel that the virtual enviroment  provides a safer haven than real life to experiment with casual sexual experiences, and can elect to participate in sexual activity  when they choose to, for their own sake and not just to please a pushy partner. Online, women have greater sexual and relational power and are presented with an almost level playing field where to find or exert their sexuality. Virtual sex is a tool that can be used to find and exert one's self-expression, to break free from social traditions and restrictions, and an opportunity to act out various fantasies and role-plays that 'good girls' or women have traditionally not been associated with.

Women are free to have as many frequent, anonymous encounters as they wish in the privacy of their own home, all without having to worry about what the neighbours might think. There is no risk of sexually transmitted diseases, and certainly no chance of getting pregnant, unless one decides to meet up with someone offline, an action fraught with considerably more danger. Online, women are able to adopt any persona that takes their fancy, be any age they want to be, and take on any physical appearance they want. There can also be a certain benefit in transitory online relationships - if one encounters disappointment, then not to worry, there are plenty more encounters to be found. Not always so easy in real life. Particularly for the not-so-hot, the disenfranchised, the physically challenged or geographically isolated, or the less socially active members of society. 
 

"This is the new sex, or certainly the new safe sex. People are more willing to be sexually open when they don't have to touch each other. Now they can see and hear one another - and maybe some day they'll even be able to feel each other - without any actual human contact." So says Jed Weintrob, producer of the movie On_Line, which explores themes of lust and desire within the modern technological environment. 

The day of 'feeling' another person online is now here. Gadgets  and software have been designed that enable two people to share intimate moments online with one person controlling a personal 'massager' being held by the other person, making it vibrate in sync with their every command, even though they may be at opposite sides of the world. Amazing, huh! Incredibly boring looking company website though!  Let's hope the website servers don't have a meltdown if too may people sign up. Apparently lots of married couples, particularly in the military, use this service to stay sexually connected when they are physically apart, and testimonials from happy couples claim that the technology has saved their marriage. 

They are the lucky ones. There are many not-so-lucky people whose relationships and marriages have broken up because of cybersex. Take for example the  married couple - Amy Taylor and David Pollard. Amy caught David having online cybersex with a virtual prostitute avatar in Second Life and summarily decided to divorce him. Online affairs don't legally classify as adultery and are not automatically grounds for divorce, but couples may find it difficult to establish trust again after a bad experience.   

Another wife who was also less than impressed with her husband's online romps found him having virtual gay sex in a sex dungeon in Second Life. Lisa was horrified. John said that he thought it was funny and only did it for a laugh. Yeah right. ... "I can't believe it's ended up destroying my marriage". Sue Hoogestrat says of her husband Rick, " you try to talk to someone or bring them a drink, and they'll be having sex with a cartoon". Rick has another wife online who he spends much more time with that his real one... Check out the full story here. 

There is precious little relief for those who have been cheated upon except for what is set up by fellow sufferers. I don't know whether there is any truth to it, but it certainly seems as though more husbands than wives cheat their spouses in cybersex. Websites and forums have been established to support cheated wives such as Gamerwidow, where women can voice their suspicions or vent their anger at the feelings of betrayal and isolation they are experiencing from their partners' compulsive involvement in internet games and online sexual activity. Read more here.    

Researchers are now finding that some people may find it difficult to distinguish between the virtual world and real life on a neurological level. This seems to align well with Baudrillard's hyperreality theory, where the simulacra become the reality. It's no wonder that some people are addicted to internet porn and sex sites, but is it worse than crack?  

 
However, although the world of cybersex may possibly seem incredibly appealing to some, it may be prudent to keep in mind an old saying....what you see is not always what you get..... One doesn't always know for sure whether the person at the other end is who, or where, they say they are. It always pays to be careful and not to give personal details away too readily. 

Oh what a wonderful world. But how real is it?

Residents of the 3d virtual world community Second Life (SL)  are fortunate enough to live in a very glamorous world, free to roam and fly about as they choose, totally unencumbered by the daily grind of juggling school drop-off runs, dirty dishes and other mundane chores incurred in everyday Real Life (RL). How wonderful!  Doesn't it sound so insanely appealing? Sure does. Unfortunately, I'm just a little too pragmatic to join in. Not necessarily for lack of wanting to, mind you, but fear that I might enjoy it so much I won't want to come back...however, perhaps not is all as it seems...

How real is it all?  Perhaps belief of Second Life as reality can be likened to the belief of fairies in Peter Pan? - "I DO believe in fairies" - and if you believe in SL, then it is real. Or perhaps we could say that  it is shared experiences  that create reality? According to Mark Stephen Meadows in his book 'I Avatar' : "People in virtual worlds build things, use them, sell them, trade them and discuss them. When another person confirms what I am seeing, places value on it, spends time working to pay for it, buys it, keeps it, uses it, gets emotional about it, and then sells it - this tells me that something real is happening. The suspension of belief has become a grounding of belief."

Does this mean that if two or more people share an experience it makes it more real and valid than if only one person is involved? Well then, with around 15 million registered users, life in Second Life must be very real indeed! It's certainly real enough for people making money in their Real Life from their involvement in their Second Life. RL people such as Ailin Graef, the creator of Anshe Chung, a real estate developer on SL, and the first virtual world resident to have made enough Linden dollars (the currency in SL), to equate to one million dollars in real life. Anshe Chung 's virtual business dealings now finance her real world business dealings, including the development and sale of properties for large corporations.

The business of consumerism is one of the major activities on Second life. In January 2006, over 5 million real dollars was spent in around 4.2 million transactions on shopping for general items such as clothing and personal accessories and real estate transactions. Second Life publishes it's own quarterly financial reports, unsurprisingly replicating the conventional real-life business world.  Residents can also purchase weird and wonderful items that are not typically available in RL yet, such as skins and other body parts, particularly if one intends to do the horizontal tango.

Apparently genitalia are not standard issue upon joining SL, and you need to purchase the right 'equipment', albeit easily done by virtue of your credit card, thank you. $$$ Kaching $$$. Even fashion guru Giorgio Armani (below) has opened a range of virtual/real businesses, offering his particular brand of taste and style to SL fashionistas. This blend of real and virtual worlds certainly blurs the line between reality and hyperreality, and for many, the simulacra has become the reality. But what if one day it all just disappeared,  at the push of a button?

The rug can be pulled out from underneath your second life at any time, as customers of Ginko Bank found out. Following an announcement by Linden Labs against gambling on SL which triggered  a run for cash withdrawals by bank customers, the virtual bank initially froze withdrawals of funds by customers, then summarily decided to close its doors. This potentially leaves many avatar customers and their real-life counterparts in a financial quandary, as their Linden dollars can no longer be redeemed and converted back to real currency. The connection between reality and hyperreality is a very one tenuous indeed.

A University no more... 
Woodbury University established  a virtual campus on an SL island in 2006, and has been paying around $1000 (real dollars) per month for the land lease. The campus was a reality shared by approx 1500 University staff, students and other people. Unfortunately, vandals and troublemaking avatars have created havoc a little too often, resulting in Linden Labs (the owners of SL) taking the drastic step of erasing the campus from the Second  Life world map. There is no compensation for any loss or inconvenience incurred. Meadows identified one of the main problems with immersion into a virtual world as the real-world consequences and injury that can be caused by actions inthe virtual world.


                                       The Woodbury campus as it once was......

       
                                     And the void created by where it used to be......      

                                    So, how real is it now? 

It is clear that a certain reality can be created in virtual worlds by the creation of another persona, another life, inslands, buildings, shops, banks and universities, and the sharing of extraordinary experiences with other people, but ultimately, these experiences are dependent on the technology required for them to function and the rules, policies, resources and whims of the world's creators. And that, my friend, is truly reality.

For further insights into the world of Second Life here is a very informative video from  a special edition of Four Corners on the ABC: You Only Live Twice.